Last day of May!

This has been a very hard and trying month for me.. I have hurt some people while making others happy. I have  good days but I have bad days too and right now I'm just taking life a day at a time. I'm sure there are a lot of people who have called me a cheater, a slut, a bitch, the list could go on but NO ONE has lived my life or knows the things I have been through throughout my life. Everyone (at least most people) has that one person they could never get over and always wondered about the what ifs.. I have lived with that for over 17 yrs and just kept it to myself everyday watching a little boy who is now a young man who looks and acts just like his dad (the man I never stopped loving EVER). There is more to it than just this but its part of my story and after I seen him after all these years I thought I would be OK but it just made me miss him even more. Right now I am staying with Ray and we are working on our life together.. its had its ups and downs and its going to be hard (which is something I'm not used to) but I will do everything in my power to know I gave this every chance of working and living my dream. Last night was a rough night but today I am better, smiling and trying to look for the positives in my life right now.  Please understand it was never my mission to hurt anyone but when your heart is somewhere else.. life sux!!!

I met my weight loss goal for this month losing 8 pounds even for the month! I am out of the 170's and very happy about it!! I plan to continue my weight loss journey by myself with everything Ive learnt over this past 5 months! I am 0.4 lb shy of losing 40 lbs in that amount of time and feel very confident about finishing my journey and getting to where I want to be.

Thought of the day...

Weigh In Wednesday

Ok today is Weigh In Wednesday and with all the stress in my life I was kinda nervous about how this week was going to go but thankfully I can say I lost another 2.8 pounds this week for a total of 39.6 lbs and another inch for a total of 39 inches! 26.4 pounds to go to hit my goal weight!! Wooohooooo!

On another note.. yes I have made a decision in my life recently alot of people don't like or understand and I get that. I am having good and bad days and you being pissed at me isn't going to change my decision.. I am doing this for me! I have to know if my dream can be my reality and if you don't like that then I'm sorry but I am not going to be treated like crap or bitched at about this. I had to do this and I'm sorry I hurt people in the process but it is what it is!

Thought of the day...

My crazy NEW life..

This post isn't meant to hurt anyone but I thought I should let you all know why I haven't been around and whats going on..

   In February my son Ethan went searching for his biological dad and I got in touch with him and we talked and in April Ethan came to spend a weekend with him for the first time ever in his life. I had decided as Ethan was growing up it was best for us to not have Ray in our lives for a few different reasons (nothing that Ray himself had ever done wrong but I had my reasons and Ray now knows why and understands my decision) It seemed to me that after this meeting took place it took a toll on my marriage and home life (John had raised Ethan since he was 5 and I believe he was having a difficult time letting Ethan go and again I understand that but it also brought back alot of memories for me and things I haven't been able to get over for the past 17+ yrs in my life)
   Well to make a long story short.. I am currently in Jefferson County with Ethan and Dalton (Koda decided to stay with John that's the man who raised him and at first it hurt but I want him to be happy too) I am starting my life over (again) at 37 yrs old.. but I am going to make the best of it and do what I need to do to get settled and stable for my boys again. So I need to find a JOB! There is alot more to this than just what I have blogged here and when the time is right and things are the way they need to be I will fill you all in on more but til then you get the idea of whats going on.

Thought of the day...

Newest Measurements and Weigh in Wednesday!

Been in STL since Saturday and have just had alot going on so here is my newest numbers....

Measurements as of 5/23/12

Waist... 31 inches! Down another inch!
Hips... 41.5 inches! Down another inch!
Bust...35.5 inches! Down another half an inch!
Thigh... 20.5 inches! Stayed the same!
Arms... 11.5 inches! Finally getting smaller lost another half an inch! Wooohoooo!

So that makes a total of....................38 inches!!!!!

Awesome Weigh In!!!

Well its of course Weigh in Wednesday and the cruel scale was good to me this week!!
I lost....... 4 pounds!  So that brings my official weight loss to 36 lbs since Dec. 28th! So happy! I feel sooo much better health wise and mental wise!

Next week I'm going to try for 3 lbs to get out of the 170's! that would be sooo awesome!

Weigh In Wednesday and Measurements..

Did my measurements this morning and didn't lose any inches and that's OK I know Ive lost weight this week so we'll see what the scale says in a couple of hours!
Went and got my hair highlighted yesterday and I love it! Makes me feel younger and who doesn't want to feel younger.
My sister called me last night and said she needed some help so I am heading to STL on Sunday for a week to spend time with her and I'll be there for Spencer, Megs and Kenzie's birthdays. Sweettttt!
Love you sis!
I am seriously lacking in motivation lately but that will change... got to get this house picked up and head off to the dreaded scale shortly. Wish me luck!

Thought of the day...

Lots of stuff done today!

Went to bed wayyyy too late last night but got up @ 9:45am and sat and woke up for a few before I got the house all picked up, paid the water bill, went and hung out with my girl Terri for a bit, then it was off to the gym (1.31 miles on the elliptical and 4.04 on the bike) after I got my workout on I headed to for the new Goodwill Outlet here and found a few goodies.. I got a pink Jessica Simpson purse.. awesomeeee! Then headed to Price Chopper and Sam's to get a few things I needed.
Still waiting on dinner to get done and watching The Bachelorette.. Hope Emily finds love this time!! I'll probably go to bed early tonight sooo tired from last night. I have eaten 2 whole points today.. that is sooooo bad I'm supposed to eat 26 a day!! I mean BAD but Im just not hungry right now. Hope it doesn't screw up my weigh in on Wednesday either way I will hold my head high and move on. Hope everyones day was truly Ammmmaaazing!

Thought of the day...