Week 1 weigh in this morning..

Well today was the day I got up and weighed in and it wasn't my best 1st week weigh in but I'll take it! I LOST 2lbs this week! So I'm down to 179.4 back out of the 180's. Don't have a lot of time today got called into work evenings today on my ONLY day off this week til next weekend.. but its overtime and more money I can put away! Have a great day!

Day 2 & 3..

                                                               

I was off yesterday since I picked up a double on Monday.. exhausting! I stayed in my jammies all day and checked out FB and played Dice with Buddies.... that's about it! I wasn't feeling the best my throat has been bothering me since Sunday but I did eat my food I'm supposed to and was good! I was pretty hungry still last night after supper so I had an extra bowl of cereal.

Today was a crazy day from hell at work! Oh and let me just say I hate the VA!! What a joke! It just disgusts me that these men and woman protect our country and getting anything from them idiots is like pulling teeth! Just ridiculous!! I packed my food for work so I had my yogurt with granola for breakfast, my salad for lunch with a hard boiled egg, and some strawberries for snack. Then when I got home I had another egg, 3 little pieces of roast beef and some baby carrots. Right now I'm waiting on Ray to get home so we can take a walk since its 48 degrees outside. I feel like I'm getting off to a good start with working now and my life being so different but I will make it! I'm really kinda looking forward to Monday and seeing what the scale says! I haven't had or even craved a root beer since Sunday! Wooohoooo! That's awesome cuz I love me some ROOT BEER!!!!




P.S. Happy 60th Birthday to my sister in law Sharon today! Love you lots!

Day 1..

Well I weighed myself this morning... 181.4!! OMG! Sooo not happy about that! But today I am starting over and I have done really well! I packed my food for work and did awesome!!! Had a yogurt for breakfast, big salad for lunch and chicken fajita soup for supper since I worked 14.5 hours today.
I'm off tomorrow since I agreed to stay over tonight so maybe I'll get a walk in or something we'll see! Its sooo cold out there!
Well off to play with Dice with Buddies! Have a great night!!!

Been 6 months.. holy cow!

    Its been a crazy 6 months here but life is going well.. I cant complain! We had an awesome Christmas and New Year but now we looking forward to what 2013 has in store for us!

    I have been at my full time job now a bit over 6 months and since November I'm the full time memory unit day shift nurse! Woooohoooo! Love my little residents back there! Working the same shift as Ray and being home in the evening with my guys makes me feel alot more human.. I like night shift but its rough on family time and relationships!

    Since July though I have gained 15 pounds back (one of the joys of being a nurse no breaks and too busy to eat during the day) I was sooo happy where I was headed health wise in July and right now Im just disgusted with myself so several of us at work decided tomorrow is the day to get back on track. I will pack myself fruits and veggies and somehow make time to get my meals in.

    Friday evening we spent it grocery shopping for hours (couponing takes time) but ended
up spending 105 at Schnucks and saved 115.00 I love TRIPLE COUPONS!!!! Ended up running back to Schnucks last night.. spent 10.05 and saved 20.17 I got 4.19 air fresheners for 9 cents! Thats right 9 cents!!! Free Blistex, free band aids and several other things for 50 cents or less! Woooohoooo!

    Spent my day yesterday with Donna and my Aunt Jackie at the Big Goodwill and then headed to the casino for a night of fun (and we did have fun!)

   Making ham and beans for dinner tonight and of course there will be corn bread.. Ray is looking forward to it!

   Tomorrow I will start posting on my journey again thankfully Ray said he would be by my side to help me anyway he can through this! He is sooo supportive and helps me daily in so many ways and for that I will forever be grateful and I appreciate it more than he knows!

Have an awesome Sunday!!
  

Long time no blog..

I am such a slacker... I know its been awhile since I have blogged (shame on me) but life has been soooo busy here. Where should I begin... Ray and I are still together becoming a stronger couple everyday! I love him more and more everyday and again I'm grateful we have this chance to rebuild together what we lost sooo many years ago.

After about a week and a half of job searching in early July to mid July I now have two jobs.. a full time one where I work 4-5 doubles (16 hour shifts) a pay period and a PRN one (where I work about 8  shifts a month) both working night shift and I'm OK with that... I like nights but I do miss spending time with Ray and the boys. I feel like I sleep all the time I really don't I'm just sleeping when they are awake so it just feels like it to me. Ray has been awesome with helping with laundry and dinners if I am tired and for that I am again GRATEFUL!!! Thanks babe! I am forever thrilled when its our days off cuz right now they are few for both of us since we are trying to save money to get our own place.

My weight loss journey has taken a short hiatus.. I have NOT gained anything which is good but I have not lost anymore either.. I am still at 165! So as much as I'm not happy with no more losses I am OK with no gains as well. I will get back on this after I get some more money coming in and start eating better again and the heat dies down and I can get outside and walk more. I will make my goal weight!

On July 13th my 10 yr old nephew Kyle was diagnosed with Stage 3 Hodgkin's Lymphoma!! What a shock to our whole family! He has gone through 4 doses of chemo so far since July 17th and I'm sooo proud of him! He had a port put in his chest that ended up tilting and had to be removed and also had a PICC line put in. This kid has had 4 surgeries as well just this month alone. My son Ethan started a support page for him on Facebook called "Pray for Kyle" he reads everything everyone puts on this page so please feel free to join it and give this little guy all the encouragement he needs to fight this battle. I love you Ky very much even though you are onery and nosey!!

My life is really good right now.. I am happy truly happy crazy busy and exhausted but happy! There could be a few things that would make it better but we are working on them (our own place) but I'm excited with what our future holds and looking forward to it more and more each day as we get closer.

Had an awesome chat on the phone with my SIL Sharon... good news and bad news but I have surely missed talking to her. I love you Sharon!


Thought of the day...

Vacation Day 3... Happy 4th of July!!

Had an awesome dinner last night after Devon and Maryah's wedding and then I passed out in my lawn chair!! The heat wore me out yesterday!!
Today is Weigh In Wednesday and again this week I gained another pound!! Grrrrr! I know its cuz I'm not being as picky about what I eat and with the heat I'm not getting  my walking in as I should be but as soon as this heat wave passes I will get back at it! But in good news my measurements are the same so I'm not bigger its probably water weight with it being the TOTM.. I am NOT going to gain my weight back its just not going to happen!!
Just been sitting around the house today here at Lisa's since its soooo HOT outside! Lisa is making cheesecake.. (OMG just what I need but I cant wait to try them) and Larry has went and got the fireworks for later! A LOT OF FIREWORKS!!
I am enjoying everyday I have with Ray while he's on vacation I feel like I suffocate him but I love being with him, I love sitting and talking with him, I just love him everything about him and I get sooo nervous this is all just a dream and I'm going to wake up and hes not going to be there anymore.

Thought of the day...

Vacation Day 2... Driving Driving Driving.. Ottawa, KS BOUND!

Woke up this morning and got all packed and hit the road at 8am heading for Ottawa, KS to spend the next several days with Ray's sister and her family for the 4th of July holiday!! On our way we stopped in Grandview at my old house to finish going through all my stuff I didn't get last time and got it all together in the garage so we can pick it up on the way back home to STL. Then went with John to the notary to sign the guardianship paper for Koda... it sucks and I cried but he does not want to be with me.. he has nothing nice to say to me so it is for the best! He loves John and cant stand me right now so rather than make both of our lives miserable I will let him be where he's happy. Thanks Ray for being there for me today even when it's uncomfortable for you.. I need you more than you know sometimes!!

I will try to update again later if time allows... Ray's nephew Devon is getting married this evening! Congrats to the bride and the groom! I wish you both a happy life together!

Thought of the day...

Vacation Day 1... SUPER GLUE SUCKS!!

Have a mentioned I'm a total klutz? Well I am!!! Geeezzzzz!

Today started out really nice.. slept in with Ray and just laid around til around 11am then we went on a walk/run (I about died it was soooo HOT!) we walked/ran 2.82 miles and did 2 sets of the big stairs here in town... we were soaked!! Then we headed home and rested for a few before we started washing my car.. OMG what a mess! I don't think that car has been washed and I mean really washed in over 5 years!! That's insane! Ray got the wheels all shiny and everything looks good! THANKS BABE! I LOVE YOU! But it was fun washing it cuz I soaked him with the water hose but he did get me back! LOL After it was all done we headed off to Dollar General to get some Super Glue and a new small notebook so I can keep track of my weight loss now that I am no longer on Weight Watchers (I got this!) We got home and I was attempting to open the Super Glue (did you get that...ATTEMPTING.. LOL) and I squeezed HALF THE DAMN TUBE IN MY HANDS!!! OMG My right hand was STUCK together!! So Ray fixed the few things in my car and then we spent the next 1.5 hours getting all the Super Glue off my hands! He was sooo nice and loving about it and I was sooo grateful!!
Ray made dinner tonight while I finished my WW notebook and I finished up the packing and laundry so we can head out early in the morning to head to KC to spend the next several days with Ray's sister Lisa and her family for the 4th of July holiday!

Life here with Ray just seems to get better everyday and I haven't had a bad day in quite awhile!! He is changing and I am as well TOGETHER as a couple and Im sooo happy he is willing to really work to make our relationship AWESOME!! I have sooo many hopes for our future and I really think our life together is going to be everything I have always known it could be.

Thought of the day...

Weigh In Wednesday

Like I thought this wasn't a good weight loss week for me but with my huge loss last week I am OK with it! I did gain 1 pound this week but it could have been much worse so I will take it and make this coming week much better!

My measurements all stayed the same except for my thighs and I finally lost another inch there!! Wooohoooo!! So I have lost 44 lbs and 43.5 inches total so far!

Went yesterday evening and seen Koda and Megs.. it was pretty uncomfortable and not much talking but I love them both and hope someday they can understand why I did what I did. Left up there at 6pm and went to my sisters to hang with her and my mom til Ray got off and then he joined us for a few hours. I'm soo glad my mom is starting to lighten up and give our relationship a chance.. it may seem dumb to a lot of people but I love him and this is what I want!!

Today Dalton and I are going swimming and getting our tan on while we wait for Ray to get off work... one more thing left to do to get my nursing license back and we will get it done on Friday!! Wooohoooo! I will never let my license lapse again EVER!!

Love to all!

Thought of the day...

Catching up..

Its been busy around here lately! Well this past week I lost 4.2 pounds and this week isn't going so well.. with being busy and not getting much walking in I have gained some back but we will find out how much tomorrow. Grrrrrr! Friday Ray got off work early he wasn't feeling the best and came home and rested for a bit before we headed out to the meet up for his 25 yr class reunion.. we had a blast! Went to Thirty 3 on Main St in Festus and chatted and danced some and then headed out to the Carpet for a bit with Ray, Jerry and Stephen and total got hit on by this drunk girl.. OMG it was awful!!! Ray was protecting me from her it was insane! LOL Ray was off this past weekend so we slept in and got up around 10:30 am and had to run a few errands before we came back and chilled before we went to the class reunion picnic that evening.. Good time! Got to chat with Rich and his wife Angie for a long time (love her) and around 10pm a bunch of us headed to the Carpet to dance some more while Ray played some foosball. Headed home around 11:30pm to get in bed since we had church the next morning... Church was awesome!! Not really sure if Ray truly liked it he said its a bit different.. LOL So we'll see if he continues to go with me! Guess I'm going to miss it this coming Sunday since we are helping Aunt Tammy move. I'll watch it online with Ray then since he has to work too! Yesterday was a CRAZY day.. got a call at 2:00pm from the youth pastor at Ethan's church in KC they are going to camp and want Ethan to come too... well since I'm not working yet I definitely don't have the money for camp but the church offered to pay his way except for the 20 bucks for the float trip so 15 minutes later we are on the road to Cook Station, MO about 15 minutes past Steelville to get Ethan to camp.. he'll be gone til Saturday but is then riding the church bus back and going to Grandview to spend some time with Octaveon and see John while he's there and we will pick him up Tuesday on our way to Ottawa, KS to spend the 4th of July with Rays sister and her family!!! Today Ray works a long shift so he wont be home til late this evening so Dalton and I are going to go see Koda while hes at Meagan's house since hes going back to KC on Thursday. Busy busy busy few days around here!!!

Thought of the day....

Weigh in Wednesday and New Measurements!!

Sorry I haven't been around much lately but I'm busy working on my life and getting it all sorted out and so far so good! I have been told I'm being too easy or too nice when things go wrong but I don't see it that way.. its been over 17 years and we both still remember a lot about the other but we are also not the same people we were back then so we are relearning each other and what each other expects of his or her partner.. for awhile I was having a very hard time with this but I had to sit back and get real with myself.. this is a growing process and over time as we learn mannerisms and other traits that are different we will learn to love them and appreciate them as much as we love and appreciate the things we remember. Its amazing how we can sit and chat about things and it's like we were never even apart all these years! I am grateful everyday for the second chance God has given us together.  I love you Ray! :)

Now Weigh In Wednesday... I have tried to watch what I've eaten this past week and add in lots of fruits and veggies but I've still had a few sodas and chicken strips but I am happy to say I lost 4.2 pounds this week for a total of 45 lbs total!!! I am currently at 163 lbs and I haven't weighed that in over 10 years!!! So this is a very exciting day for me!!!! In the inches department I lost another 2 inches this week for a total of 42.5 inches! Wooohoooooo! I was really worried with my life totally changing that my weight would not continue to go down but I really feel like I know what I'm doing this time and I got this SHIT handled! LOL I am only 21 pounds away from my goal weight! I'm just amazed but soooo happy at the same time!

Love to all! Have an awesome hump day!!

Thought of the day...

Happy Life

    Yesterday afternoon/evening the boys and I headed to Rays work for their 35th anniversary.. it was quite an eye opening experience at how busy Ray is there and how much the people that work there and the individuals that live there and their families LOVE Ray!!! He is a huge part of that place and I was really proud of him yesterday (I'm proud of him everyday he is not the same 23 yr old I was with before and he works hard everyday and I'm lucky to have him in my life. I feel blessed everyday knowing he loves me and will do whatever it takes to prove that this time!)
     Today Ray was supposed to be off but he picked up a 6 hour shift for the extra money so I got up early and got this room cleaned up, did the dishes, started the laundry, cleaned the bathroom, and got dinner in the crock pot (roast, potatoes, carrots, and homemade rolls). Now if only 3pm would get here quicker... LOL  Wonder what we could do this afternoon since he works Friday, Saturday and Sunday this weekend... hmmmmmm?
    Getting closer to getting my license back so I can go get a job so we can start saving money to get a place of our own...hopefully before the end of the month! Just waiting on a letter in the mail and then they will release it!! Wooohooooo! I've been reading through a nursing book to review but so far not much Ive read that I don't still remember! Its like riding a bike baby!! LOL

Well I hope you all have a wonderful day! Love to all!

Thought of the day...

Weigh in Wednesday

Last night Ray got off work early so we went over and babysat my sisters kids so Charlie could take her out to dinner for her birthday (next time be gone more than an hour sis we were good!)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS!!!
Then we came home and I made us an easy dinner real quick before we sat and talked more about life. I love when we just sat and talk (or I can pry it out of him.. LOL) once I get him talking  he opens up but sometimes that's not the easiest thing in the world to accomplish! LOL
Today is Weigh In Wednesday and I lost another 0.8 lb and 1.5 inches for a total of 40.8 lbs and 40.5 inches! Thought I would lose a lot more with the moving this weekend but with eating Taco Bell and drinking a few too many sodas this week I will take it.
Today is Pony Birds 35th anniversary open house so me and the boys are heading there later to see Ray and hang out for a bit.

My baby Dalton is home.. I missed him!!


Thought of the day...

It was a very long weekend!!

After Ray got off work Friday evening we went to dinner with Heather and Charlie to get ready for the "Big Move" the next day.. it was a fun evening! Got back to the house and got our stuff ready since we were heading out at 6:00am heading for KC to get my stuff. We finally got to sleep around 1:35am. Had a great drive out there with Ethan, Austin, and Brendan and got to the house around 11:30am and started packing. Everything there went good (not that I expected otherwise) Thank you John! I cried some and laughed some it was a hard day but I think I did better than I thought I would. Everything was packed and loaded by 4:30pm and we were headed back to De Soto. Stopped in Columbia on the way home and had a Taco Bell picnic for dinner since we had the dogs and Keiko we got them out and let them enjoy some fresh air as well.. Keiko was very happy in her cat carrier (she was an awesome traveler) Got into De Soto around 10:15pm and unloaded what I knew I would need at this house from the Uhaul and Heathers van and put all that stuff away before we all got showered. Ray passed out before I could even get the bed straightened up and I went to bed around 2:00am. Sunday morning came and we were all up around 8:20am and we were all sore and exhausted. Laid back down after Cassie made us french toast for breakfast at 9:30am and I didn't wake back up til 12:30pm I was soooo tired!! Ended up storing all my stuff I didn't need right now at my dads house in his basement so its all safe and will be there ready when I have a house of my own to live in. Thanks Dad! Returned the Uhual yesterday evening, mowed the grass and straightened the front porch.. Today I got pictures that need to be hung up, laundry and some walking to do. So I am moved to De Soto and I am doing OK... Thank you to everyone that helped me I really appreciate it!

Thought of the day....

Busy two days..

A lot has happened since yesterday morning and its been a rough couple of days but I am strong and I will make it through. First off John and I are getting divorced.... he is ready to move on with his life and I am ready to move on with mine. It was a great 11 yrs with lots of ups and downs and I will forever be grateful for the time we had together but I just couldn't get over my past.. it is what it is! I will take full blame for this divorce it is because of my actions it is happening but everyday I am here with Ray I get happier and I hope John can someday find happiness in his life that he deserves. Today I spent the day cleaning and rearranging our room so Saturday when we go to get my dogs and things some of it can come back here and the rest is going in storage for right now. Saturday is going to be a rough day for me saying good bye to a life Ive had for so long to start over on a new adventure and its going to be hard but I'm ready for it!

Thought of the day...

just another day... :)

OK lets start with yesterday evening.. went for a walk and did "The Stairs" up 4 down 5 and then ran for a bit til it started pouring and I hung out under an overhang about a block from the house when I realized all my car windows were down and Ethan was passed out and NOT answering his phone so it was a mad dash to get to my keys and get them up.. Good work out though.. I was soaked in sweat before I got washed off by the rain! LOL Ray didn't get home til about 8:00pm last night and then we ran to Walmart to get some stuff to grill for dinner. Ethan was super stoked that OKC beat the Spurs and he is ahead now in the bet with his Dad. Dalton texts me last night and we chatted for a bit he is doing good, having fun and missing his momma of course.

 Went walking today at Walthers Park again did 4.89 miles.. got hit on by a 63 yr old man! LMAO  

Tonight Ethan and I are going to have dinner with my sister and hang out while Ray works a double shift (now he might get off between 8-9 so we'll see). Not much else going on here. 

Tomorrow is going to be a hard day for me but I will make it.. just not looking forward to it. Love to all!

Thought of the day....

Monday.. the day after Sunday! LOL

I had a good day yesterday and it got even better when Ray got off work early and we got to sit and talk some more for awhile before we headed to the park to play some basketball with Ethan.. that kid sure does know how to make his mom and dad feel OLD! LOL
Got up this morning and got Ethan signed up for summer school basketball here.. he seems pretty excited by it and the coaches were really testing him today to see what he's got! He got home around noon and has been laying around all day and now he's asleep! They made him work today!
Ran to my sisters work today and grabbed Ethan's metro sports Cross Country interview from his freshman year so Ray can watch it tonight when he gets home and then I headed to Wal-Mart to grab Koda a birthday card for his BIG 16th Birthday on Wednesday! That's going to be a rough day for me! Went and paid the repair guy for my laptop today it will be ready sometime mid next week.. had to order a new screen.
Today I have had a pretty good day.. only cried a few times so that's a plus and spent an hour or so on the phone with my best friend from nursing school.. Mindy! Miss her soooo much!! It was nice to get to chat with her and not feel judged about the decisions Ive made recently! She is probably the only true girl friend (that isn't family) Ive ever had in my life and I have missed that a lot!
Going to go walking again here in a bit and tackle "The Stairs" in De Soto.. they are killer but they do make you lose weight!

Thought of the day....

Soooo much better Sunday!

Yesterday was a rough day for me but today has been great! Since Ray had to work today Ethan and I got up and headed off to our old church.. I love that place! You always feel good after you leave that place! After sitting and talking yesterday evening and getting my feelings out I feel like Ray and I are in a better place or maybe not a better place we haven't been in a bad place we're just opening up more about what each other expects and is thinking... so that really helped me a lot!!! Not a lot going on here in D town.. not that there ever really is.. LOL so I'm going to enjoy my happy day today and continue to smile! Love to all!

Thought of the day....

Sad Saturday

  Hey there! Yesterday I spent my day with Ray running around paying bills, telling Ash goodbye (she moved to Florida with her mom) , and getting my tire fixed on my car. It was a long and exhausting day to say the least but it all got done!
    Today I'm working on the  laundry and picked up a bit but I'm moving slow cuz I'm not feeling the best and having another woe is me kinda day... I am one of the neediest people (wants to be with my partner and doted on) and I know its one of my faults but in a lot of ways I don't consider it a fault at all its just who I am. So today I'm having a day... this is something I have had for almost 12 years and I'm not used to it not being there anymore. I'm not used to someone working 12-16 hours a day all the time and being alone and lonely all the time. I don't know I'm just sad and lost today and that's about all I got to say for the day.

Last day of May!

This has been a very hard and trying month for me.. I have hurt some people while making others happy. I have  good days but I have bad days too and right now I'm just taking life a day at a time. I'm sure there are a lot of people who have called me a cheater, a slut, a bitch, the list could go on but NO ONE has lived my life or knows the things I have been through throughout my life. Everyone (at least most people) has that one person they could never get over and always wondered about the what ifs.. I have lived with that for over 17 yrs and just kept it to myself everyday watching a little boy who is now a young man who looks and acts just like his dad (the man I never stopped loving EVER). There is more to it than just this but its part of my story and after I seen him after all these years I thought I would be OK but it just made me miss him even more. Right now I am staying with Ray and we are working on our life together.. its had its ups and downs and its going to be hard (which is something I'm not used to) but I will do everything in my power to know I gave this every chance of working and living my dream. Last night was a rough night but today I am better, smiling and trying to look for the positives in my life right now.  Please understand it was never my mission to hurt anyone but when your heart is somewhere else.. life sux!!!

I met my weight loss goal for this month losing 8 pounds even for the month! I am out of the 170's and very happy about it!! I plan to continue my weight loss journey by myself with everything Ive learnt over this past 5 months! I am 0.4 lb shy of losing 40 lbs in that amount of time and feel very confident about finishing my journey and getting to where I want to be.

Thought of the day...